Updated: Oct 9, 2019
Perhaps you have heard the saying "you don't see the world as it is, you see it as you are". My teacher Geordie Numata has a similar saying "the world does not come at you, it comes from you." However you say it, this is something that I am still struggling with and this became very apparent in the latest video as I reflected on my past relationships. Of course in true New York City fashion, I could not finish the making of this video without the standard NYC siren blaring in the background. Please use the text below the video if you would rather read the edited transcript.
Hi guys, I hope you are well. Thought I would do a quick video while I have this amazing view behind me. I had a bit of an aha moment yesterday regarding relationships and how I usually felt in my past relationships - that I was not with a person who really appreciated me fully or saw me fully. And it just dawned on me as I have been doing these videos and looking back and reviewing them before posting, that I am seeing myself through a very different lens than I have seen myself before and becoming less judgemental about me.
But I had to take a step back and realize how aware I was about myself, how I was loving myself, how I was treating myself and it dawned on me that I did not get these things in a relationship with a guy because that is not how I was showing up, you know? I would start off seeing myself as amazing but then start to mute who I was and what I wanted to avoid conflict. Whether it was compromising too much or stuffing things about myself deep down in order to not rock the boat. So if I have never loved myself fully and just outright said "hey this it what it is", how could I ever be in a relationship with someone, or choose a mate who loved me wholly in that way?
Maybe subconsciously, I was choosing partners who loved me the way I was loving me - in a superficial way, and not deeply with flaws and all and without judgement. It is great to be able to love myself that way now. Maybe as you reflect on your past partners and relationships, you can start to see a pattern where they showed up in the same manner that you viewed yourself or way in which you were treating yourself at that time. If you can relate please leave a comment below and let me know.
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